God, why aren’t you a communist?

I’ve just read a confession from a guy who feels genuinely sorry for being a privileged white man:

On Privilege

What do you think? Should he be sorry?

Who’s fault is it that creator of life on earth was not a communist at heart?

In the perfect world all people are equal. They have the same privileges, the same opportunities. So they have to have the same families. Speak the same language. Go to the same schools.

It would hurt either if they had the same bodies.

Brave new world. With big brothers and big sisters, all living in perfect harmony.

Well I lived in the world like that and it’s no fun at all. It starts so well and for years everybody is happy and excited. But it ends soon. Constant shortages of toilet paper make much less fun.

I experienced it on my own skin as I was born and raised in communistic Poland, where everything was common, everyone was equal and all had the same privileges and opportunities.

Seriously. It was. What, you don’t believe me?

If you do, you are probably from one of those rich Western countries, where people have way too much money and way too little imagination.

In fact, you should believe it. It was all lies. But I don’t blame you, most of Poles believed those lies for decades. Or pretended they believe. Until they finally were too pissed off by the constant lack of toilet paper.

Living in the world ruled by lies was the worst part.

To this day I know how to make passable toilet paper out of an old newspaper. But I still haven’t learnt how to make passable truth out of old lies.

So the concept of “white male privilege” is just another iteration of call for equality. The same old dream of equal chances for everybody, that would make our life a paradise on earth.

It sounds great, doesn’t it? But how do you know it is equally great in reality? In fact, it was tested numerous times in the reality and it constantly shows that such world cannot exist naturally. Naturally, people always create inequality, privileges and so on.

So when idealists who have finally created their perfect World With No Privileges realize at some point that it is unsustainable, they are always forced to four alternatives:

  1. bribe people
  2. fool people
  3. terrorize people
  4. say “sorry” and give up

In my youth I had witnessed and experiences all of those. Except for the last one, of course. No idealist apologizes. Only realists do.

So, as much as I would live to blame me being relatively poor, not having a car, not owning a house and having no dental plan on white American rich males and their damn luck, as much as I would love to bathe in feelings of envy and revenge towards those who had so much better start, my reason won’t let me.

Life is not a communist, that’s it. Right there. That’s your problem.

So blame God.

He usually doesn’t talk back, so it’s a good target.

Or blame aliens. Or Flying Spaghetti Monster. Or whoever is responsible for creating this world in such an unequal world. So many animals and some way more privileged than others. Not fair, right?

In my perfect world there would only be frogs. There, a perfect solution of the problem. Equal chances for survival. I have created perfection: instead of 8.74 species, one. Go ahead, thank me.

Now, concerning humans on the planet, how about black gay women? Everybody is black gay women and everybody is the same age. And has the same face. And name. And they all live in a small village in central Africa, how about that.

Don’t laugh at me now. I’m only equalizing opportunities here.

Isn’t that what we all want?


God, why aren’t you a communist? was originally published in Completely Unprofessional on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Add Comment

Stay unprofessional!